We have no idea who originally wrote the following step-by-step guide but it’s been doing the rounds on social media the last few weeks and we really wanted to share it. The guide is, of course, a very tongue in cheek look at what being a flight attendant can be like and it put a smile on our faces.
If you know who the author do let us know so we can properly credit him or her.
Wondering what life as a flight attendant / cabin crew is like? ✈️
1. Go to a resale store and find an old, navy blue suit that an army sergeant might have worn. Add a white shirt and a tie/scarf. Wear the same outfit for four consecutive days, every week, all year long.
2. Go to an airport and watch airplanes take off for several hours. Pretend you are standing by for them and they are all full. Go home. Return to the airport the next day and do the same thing again.
3. Fill several large boxes with rocks. Lift them over your head and place them on the top shelf of a closet. Slam the door shut until the boxes fit. Do this until you feel a disk slip in your back. Smile.
4. Turn on a radio. Be sure to set it between stations so there is plenty of static. Turn on the vacuum cleaner and garbage disposal. Run them all night. Smile.
5. Remove the covers from several TV entrees. Place them in a hot oven. Leave the food in the oven until it’s completely dried out. Remove the hot trays with your bare hands. Serve to your family. Don’t include anything for yourself. Eat pretzels. Smile.
6. Serve your family a beverage one hour after they’ve received their meal. Make them remain in their seats during this time. Ask them to scream at you and complain about the service. Eat pretzels. Smile.
7. Scrounge uneaten rolls off the plates for you to eat two hours later when you’re really hungry. Eat pretzels. Smile.
8. Place a straight-backed chair in a closet next to a bathroom, facing a blank wall. Use a belt to strap yourself into it. Eat the stale rolls you saved from your family’s meal, preferably while Someone’s USING the bathroom. Smile.
9. Ask your family to use the bathroom as frequently as possible. Tell them to make splashing water a game and see who can leave the most disgusting mess. Clean the bathroom every hour throughout the night. Drink stale coffee in the closet next to the bathroom. Eat pretzels. Smile.
10. Make a narrow aisle between several dining room chairs and randomly scatter your husband’s wing-tips and loafers along the way. Turn off the lights and spend the night walking up and down the aisle while banging your shins against the chair legs and tripping over the shoes. Drink several cups of cold, stale coffee to keep yourself awake. Smile.
11. Stay up all night, then wake your family in the morning and serve them a cold, hard sweet roll. Don’t forget to smile and wish them a nice day when they leave for work and school. Ask them to berate you. Eat pretzels. (Smile.)
12. After your family leaves, take a suitcase and go out (preferably in winter) in the yard. If it’s not raining, turn on the sprinkling system and stand in the cold and the wet for 30 minutes, pretending like you’re waiting for the crew bus to pick you up. Then go inside and wait by your bedroom door for ANOTHER 30 minutes while an imaginary maid cleans and makes up your room. Smile.
13. Change into street clothes and shop for five hours. Pick up carry-out food from a local deli. Go back home. Sit on your bed and eat your meal. Set your alarm for 3 a.m. so you’ll be ready for your wake-up call. (It’s now 12:30 a.m.) Eat pretzels. Smile.
14. Repeat the above schedule for 1-3 or more days in a row and you’ll be ready to work your first trip as a Flight Attendant!
15. Repeat the above schedule after just three days off, every week for twelve months straight. Smile.